If your kid slams the door, you know they’re upset. If they hug you tight, you know they feel safe.
That’s parenting 101.
But, growing older with your children isn’t always that straightforward. The challenges evolve as they do, and so must your approach to maintaining that precious bond.
Some parents manage this better than others, often thanks to letting go of certain behaviors. Now, let’s talk about what those are.
1) Reliable but not controlling
Parenting is an unpredictable journey.
One moment you’re their superhero, the next you’re the villain in their story. It’s a rollercoaster of emotions and reactions that you need to navigate without losing your sanity.
However, as parents age alongside their children, there’s one behavior that often gets in the way of a strong bond – over-controlling.
It’s natural to want the best for your children and to protect them from harm. You’re used to being their guide, their safe harbor. But as they grow, they start to crave independence and autonomy.
If you hold on too tightly, if you smother their attempts at self-discovery with your own anxieties and fears, you risk pushing them away.
Instead, be reliable but not controlling. Be there for guidance and support, but let them make their own decisions and mistakes. It’s through these experiences that they grow, and your relationship with them strengthens.
Sounds challenging, doesn’t it?
But trust me, it’s worth it in the end.
2) Open communication, closed judgment
I’ll tell you a story about my own parenting journey.
My daughter, Sarah, was always a free spirit. She loved exploring, creating, and questioning everything around her. As she grew older, she developed a taste for adventure that often led her down paths I didn’t necessarily approve of.
One day, she came home with the news that she wanted to drop out of college to travel the world. My immediate reaction was fear and disappointment. I had visions of her future, secure with a good education and a stable job. This was not part of the plan.
But I remembered the promise I had made to myself – to maintain open communication and close the door on judgment.
So, I took a deep breath and instead of letting my worries control the conversation, I asked her about her plans, about what she hoped to achieve from this journey. We had an open and honest discussion where we both shared our perspectives.
In the end, we reached a compromise. She would complete her degree part-time while traveling during her breaks.
It wasn’t easy but it taught me a valuable lesson – to maintain a tight bond with your children as they grow older, you need to let go of judgment and keep the lines of communication open.
Trust me, it makes all the difference.
3) Embrace change, don’t resist it
You’ve probably heard of the term “empty nest syndrome”. It’s a phenomenon that many parents experience when their children grow up and leave home. It can lead to feelings of loneliness, sadness, and loss.
But here’s something interesting. Studies indicate that parents who embrace change and adapt to their evolving role in their children’s lives are less likely to experience the negative effects of the empty nest syndrome.
It’s not uncommon for parents to feel a sense of loss as their children become more independent. But resisting this change can strain your relationship with them.
Instead, try embracing the change. Celebrate their independence and the adults they’re becoming. Adapt your role from being a caretaker to a supporter and friend.
Yes, it might feel strange at first. But remember, change is the only constant in life.
And adapting to it might just be the key to maintaining that tight bond with your children as you get older.
4) Practice listening, not just hearing
We all know communication is key. But what we often forget is that communication isn’t just about talking, it’s about listening too.
And I don’t mean just hearing the words they’re saying. I mean really listening, understanding, and empathizing with what your children are feeling and experiencing.
You see, when you practice active listening, you show your children that their thoughts and feelings are valid and important. This encourages them to open up more, fostering a deeper connection between you.
So next time your child wants to talk, put down your phone, switch off the TV, and give them your undivided attention. Show them that you’re there to listen, not just hear.
This might sound simple, but trust me, it can make a massive difference in your relationship with your children as you all grow older.
5) Show respect, earn respect
I always believed that respect is a two-way street, especially when it comes to parenting.
As my children grew older, I realized that my role as a parent was shifting from an authority figure to something more akin to a mentor or friend. This transition wasn’t easy. It required me to reevaluate how I interacted with my children.
I had to remind myself that they were becoming adults, with their own opinions, dreams, and experiences. I had to learn to respect their choices, even when I didn’t necessarily agree with them.
And you know what? The more respect I showed them, the more respect I received in return. It transformed our relationship in ways I didn’t expect.
If you want to maintain a tight bond with your children as you get older, remember to show them the same respect you expect from them. It might take some getting used to, but it’s a small price to pay for an even stronger bond with your children.
6) Let go to hold on
It might sound strange, but sometimes, the best way to maintain a close relationship with your children as you get older is to let go.
As your children grow, they need space to explore their own identities, make their own mistakes, and learn from them. This doesn’t mean you’re abandoning them. You’re still there, ready to step in with advice and support when they need it.
But by giving them room to grow, you’re showing them that you trust their judgment and believe in their abilities. This can boost their confidence and self-esteem, and strengthen the bond between them.
So don’t be afraid to let go a little. You might just find that it brings you closer together in the end.
7) Be their parent, not their friend
This might be a hard pill to swallow for some, but here’s the truth: your role as a parent is not to be your child’s friend.
Yes, having a friendly relationship with your children is important. It creates an open, trusting environment. But there’s a fine line between being a friend and being a parent.
As a parent, you need to set boundaries, provide structure, and sometimes, be the bad guy. Your children might not always like it, but they’ll respect you for it.
Friendships come and go, but your role as their parent is forever. Even as they grow older, remember that being their parent first will help maintain that strong bond.
8) Love unconditionally
At the end of the day, the most powerful way to maintain a tight bond with your children as you get older is by loving them unconditionally.
This means accepting them for who they are, supporting them in their journeys, and being there for them, no matter what. It’s about showing them that your love isn’t dependent on their achievements, mistakes, or choices.
Unconditional love forms the foundation of a strong bond that can weather any storm. Love them fiercely, love them freely, and love them always.
Reflections on parenting and growing older
If you’ve reached this part of the article, chances are you’re a parent who deeply cares about the relationship with their children. And that’s already a step in the right direction.
The journey of parenting is full of twists and turns. It’s about balancing your role as a guide, protector, mentor, and friend. It’s about giving love and setting boundaries, allowing freedom while providing structure.
As your children grow older, maintaining that bond may require adjusting some behaviors. But remember, these changes aren’t indicative of any failures or shortcomings. They’re simply part of growing and evolving alongside your children.
In the words of author Elizabeth Stone, “Making the decision to have a child – it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”
This encapsulates the joy, fear, vulnerability, and immense love that come with being a parent. As you navigate this path, remember that every step you take is towards building and maintaining that special bond with your child – that piece of your heart walking around outside your body.
As you reflect on these points, remember that the journey may be challenging, but it is also incredibly rewarding. And each small change you make will only strengthen the bond you share with your children as they – and you – continue to grow older.
