I’ve always been fascinated by confidence some people radiate—the way it transforms a room, the way it can be as subtle as a glance or as loud as a laugh.
But I’ve also seen how easy it is to get it wrong. In our rush to look like we have it all together, we sometimes trip over our own insecurities, making them even more obvious.
I’ve done it. You’ve probably done it, too.
So let’s talk about it—those moments where our well-meaning attempts at confidence end up sending the wrong message.
I’ve rounded up ten mistakes we all fall into and, more importantly, how to steer clear of them. Because confidence isn’t just a look; it’s a way of being. Let’s figure out how to get it right.
1) Overcompensating
One of the biggest mistakes people make when trying to appear more confident is overcompensating.
It’s a common trap. You’re trying to project strength and assurance, so you ramp up your behavior to match.
But more often than not, this comes off as forced and inauthentic.
Take speaking loudly for example. The idea is to exude authority, but when done excessively, it can be perceived as aggressive or dominating.
The same goes for body language. Puffing out your chest and standing with your hands on your hips might seem like a good idea, but it can come across as intimidating or overbearing.
True confidence is about being comfortable in your own skin and not feeling the need to prove anything to anyone.
Less is often more. Overcompensation can send the wrong message and make you appear less confident than you really are.
2) Not asking for help
Ah, I’ve been guilty of this one myself.
There was a period when I was convinced that asking for help was a sign of weakness. I thought it would make me appear less confident, less capable.
So, even when I was in over my head, I’d struggle on my own rather than reach out for assistance.
At one point, I was working on a project that was way beyond my expertise. Instead of admitting I was out of my depth and seeking help, I chose to slog away at it alone.
The result? The project took much longer than it should have, and the outcome wasn’t as good as it could have been.
Over time, I realized that asking for help isn’t a sign of lack of confidence. In fact, it demonstrates self-awareness and the courage to acknowledge your limitations – both signs of genuine confidence.
So don’t make the same mistake I did. Realize that everyone needs help sometimes, and asking for it can be a strength, not a weakness.
3) Avoiding eye contact
According to psychologists, eye contact is a powerful tool in communication. It signals engagement, attentiveness, and yes, confidence.
However, did you know that people often assess your level of confidence based on your use of eye contact?
Experts claim that individuals who maintain eye contact are perceived as more confident, competent, and trustworthy.
However, many people seeking to appear confident often avoid eye contact, which can give off the opposite impression.
So next time you’re in a conversation, remember to meet the gaze of the person you’re speaking with.
It might feel uncomfortable at first, but with practice, it can greatly enhance your perceived confidence.
4) Talking too much
We’ve all been there – in our attempt to appear confident and knowledgeable, we end up dominating the conversation and talking too much.
This is a common mistake. We think that by showcasing our knowledge or ideas, we’re demonstrating confidence.
But often, it can come across as overbearing or even insecure, as if we’re trying too hard to prove our worth.
Confidence requires balance. You need to know when to share your thoughts and when to listen. Sometimes, the most confident thing you can do is to allow others to speak and to truly listen to what they have to say.
5) Being defensive
We all make mistakes or have areas where we could improve. However, how we handle criticism or feedback can be a clear indicator of our confidence.
One common blunder people make when trying to appear more confident is becoming defensive when faced with criticism.
They might argue, make excuses, or even attack the person giving the feedback.
But here’s the thing – true confidence comes with the understanding that no one is perfect.
It involves being open to feedback and using it as a tool for self-improvement rather than as a personal attack.
6) Comparing themselves to others
In this age of social media, it’s easy to get caught up in the trap of comparison.
We scroll through our feeds, seeing the highlight reels of other people’s lives, and suddenly our own accomplishments don’t seem so impressive.
This is a common pitfall when trying to appear more confident – we start comparing ourselves to others and feel like we fall short.
This comparison game can quickly erode our self-confidence and make us feel inadequate.
But here’s the thing – each one of us is on our own unique journey. Our experiences, challenges, and triumphs are individual to us. Comparing ourselves to others is like comparing apples to oranges – it’s not a fair or accurate comparison.
So, instead of looking to others and feeling inadequate, focus on your own path.
Celebrate your victories, no matter how small they may seem. Recognize your growth and the progress you’re making.
This kind of self-acknowledgement is a true sign of confidence and shows that you’re secure in your own abilities and accomplishments.
7) Not taking risks
Once, I had a fantastic idea for a project at work. I was excited and passionate about it, but I was also terrified. The idea was innovative and untested, and there was a real risk of failure.
So, I kept it to myself.
In my attempt to appear confident, I played it safe. I didn’t take the risk. And the result? The idea remained just that – an idea.
Looking back, I realize that part of being confident is taking risks. It’s about being brave enough to put your ideas out there, even when there’s a chance they might not work out.
Confidence isn’t about always having the right answers or never failing. It’s being willing to take chances and learn from whatever the outcome might be.
So don’t be afraid to take risks. True confidence means stepping out of your comfort zone, even when it’s scary.
8) Always needing to be right
It may seem like a paradox, but always needing to be right can actually undermine your confidence.
You might think that constantly proving you’re right shows off your intelligence and confidence. But in reality, it can make you seem insecure, as though you’re constantly seeking validation.
People who are genuinely confident are comfortable with not knowing everything. They’re open to other people’s ideas and perspectives, and they’re not afraid to admit when they’re wrong.
The next time you find yourself in a disagreement, resist the urge to prove you’re right.
Instead, listen to the other person’s point of view. You might learn something new, and it will show that you’re confident enough to consider different perspectives.
9) Not celebrating successes
When trying to appear more confident, many people make the mistake of downplaying their successes. They may brush off compliments or shy away from acknowledging their achievements.
But in doing so, they’re missing out on a key confidence booster.
Celebrating your successes, no matter how small, can help build your self-esteem and reinforce your belief in your abilities.
10) Pretending to be someone else
The most significant mistake people make when trying to appear more confident is pretending to be someone they’re not.
According to experts, authenticity is key to true confidence. Trying to fit into someone else’s mold or living up to an unrealistic standard will only lead to discomfort and insecurity.
You are unique, and your confidence should stem from that uniqueness.
Embrace who you are, with all your strengths and weaknesses. There’s no one else quite like you, and that’s something to be confident about.
Final thoughts
When I think about confidence, I don’t picture someone flawless or untouchable.
I think about someone who’s comfortable—whether they’re owning a win or laughing off a misstep. They are not perfect; they are present.
These ten mistakes aren’t here to make you feel bad about past choices.
Trust me, I’ve made most of them myself. But they’re a reminder that confidence is less about what you’re showing and more about what you’re feeling.
So celebrate your wins, laugh at your blunders, and keep asking for help when you need it.
True confidence isn’t loud or showy—it’s quietly knowing you’re enough, exactly as you are.
And that? That’s worth every effort.
