Some people lift you up, push you forward, and make you feel like the best version of yourself.
And then there are the ones who don’t.
It’s not always obvious at first. You might think they mean well or that their influence isn’t really affecting you that much. Maybe they’ve been in your life for a long time, and you’ve just accepted certain behaviors as normal.
But psychology tells us otherwise. The people we surround ourselves with shape our mindset, habits, and even our self-worth more than we realize.
And if someone is pulling you in the wrong direction—whether it’s through negativity, bad habits, or subtle manipulation—it can quietly hold you back from becoming who you’re meant to be.
If you’ve ever had that nagging feeling that someone in your life isn’t a good influence on you, there’s a reason for it. Here are eight clear signs to look out for.
1) They constantly bring negativity into your life
Energy is contagious. The people you spend time with have a direct impact on your mindset, your emotions, and even your motivation.
If someone is always negative—constantly complaining, criticizing, or seeing the worst in everything—it can start to wear on you. You might think you’re just being supportive by listening, but over time, their negativity seeps into your own outlook.
Psychology shows that emotional states are highly influenced by those around us. If someone is always bringing you down, making you feel drained, or filling your mind with doubt and pessimism, it’s worth asking yourself if their presence is helping or harming you.
Supporting a friend through hard times is one thing. But if negativity is their default mode and it’s starting to affect your own well-being, that’s a sign they may not be a good influence on you.
2) They make you doubt yourself
Negativity from others doesn’t just affect your mood—it can start to affect how you see yourself.
I didn’t realize this for a long time with someone in my life. Every time I shared an idea, a goal, or even just an opinion, they had something to say about why it wouldn’t work or why I was wrong.
At first, I brushed it off as them being realistic or just giving me “tough love.” But over time, I noticed something: I stopped trusting my own instincts. I hesitated before speaking up. I second-guessed my decisions, even about small things.
Psychologists call this self-doubt conditioning. When someone repeatedly questions your choices, dismisses your feelings, or subtly undermines your confidence, it chips away at your sense of self. You start looking to them for validation instead of trusting yourself.
A good influence will challenge you in ways that help you grow, not in ways that make you shrink. If someone consistently makes you feel unsure about yourself, it’s worth questioning what role they really play in your life.
3) They don’t respect your boundaries
As Warren Buffet once said, “The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.”
Knowing when to say no—and having that no respected—is crucial for your well-being. But not everyone in your life will honor that. Some people push, guilt-trip, or ignore your boundaries entirely.
Maybe you’ve told them you don’t have time to talk, but they keep calling. Maybe you’ve made it clear certain topics are off-limits, but they bring them up anyway. Or maybe they pressure you into things you’re uncomfortable with, making you feel bad for standing your ground.
Psychology shows that personal boundaries are essential for mental health and self-respect. When someone repeatedly disregards yours, it’s a sign they don’t truly value your needs.
Respect isn’t just about the big things—it’s about the everyday moments where your limits should be acknowledged, not tested.
4) They make you feel exhausted, not energized
Human brains are wired to pick up on social cues, even when we don’t realize it. In fact, research has shown that just being around certain people can either increase or drain our energy, depending on the emotional signals they give off.
Some people leave you feeling lighter, more motivated, and at ease. Others? You walk away from every conversation feeling drained, tense, or emotionally worn out.
This isn’t always about obvious negativity. Sometimes, it’s the way they dominate every conversation with their problems but never ask about yours.
Or how they create unnecessary drama that keeps you on edge. Or how they always seem to need something from you—but offer nothing in return.
If spending time with someone regularly leaves you exhausted instead of uplifted, it’s worth paying attention to the effect they’re having on your life.
The people around you should add to your energy, not constantly take from it.
5) They bring out a version of you that you don’t like
It’s not just about how someone makes you feel—it’s about who you become when you’re around them.
Have you ever caught yourself acting in a way that doesn’t feel like you? Maybe you’re more irritable, more anxious, or more passive than usual. Maybe you say things you wouldn’t normally say or make choices that don’t align with your values.
Psychologists call this social mirroring—the tendency to subconsciously adapt our behaviors, attitudes, and even emotions to match the people around us.
It’s a natural part of human interaction, but when the influence is negative, it can push us away from the person we want to be.
The right people will inspire you to grow in ways that feel authentic. But if someone consistently brings out traits in you that you don’t like—or that don’t align with who you are—it’s a sign their influence may not be a healthy one.
6) They don’t celebrate your success
The people who truly support you don’t just stand by you in hard times—they also cheer for you in the good ones.
But not everyone does. Some people seem uninterested when you share an achievement. Others downplay your success or find a way to make it about themselves. And then there are those who respond with subtle digs, disguised as jokes, making you feel like you should shrink instead of shine.
Psychologists call this tall poppy syndrome—the tendency for some people to cut others down when they rise too high. It often comes from their own insecurities, but that doesn’t make it any less harmful.
If someone can’t be happy for you when things go well, it says a lot about the role they play in your life. The right people will want to see you win—not secretly hope that you don’t.
7) They make everything feel like a competition
A little bit of friendly competition can be motivating, but when someone treats your life like a constant scoreboard, it’s different.
Maybe you mention something good happening in your life, and instead of being happy for you, they immediately try to one-up you.
Maybe they turn every conversation into a subtle comparison—who’s busier, who’s more stressed, who’s achieving more. Or maybe you’ve noticed that instead of supporting you, they only seem interested in staying ahead of you.
While some comparisons can be healthy, being around someone who always turns life into a competition can leave you feeling inadequate, second-guessing yourself, or constantly trying to prove something.
The people who truly uplift you won’t see your success as a threat. They’ll see it as something worth celebrating, no competition required.
8) You feel worse about yourself when you’re around them
At the end of the day, the biggest sign that someone isn’t a good influence is simple: you don’t like who you are when you’re with them.
Maybe you feel smaller, like your thoughts and feelings don’t matter as much. Maybe you feel more anxious, second-guessing everything you say and do.
Or maybe you just don’t feel good—like their presence leaves you questioning your worth, your abilities, or your direction in life.
If someone consistently makes you feel less confident, less valued, or less like yourself, that’s not just a bad influence—it’s a sign they may not belong in your life at all.
The bottom line
The people in your life should challenge you, support you, and help you grow—not leave you feeling drained, doubtful, or diminished.
Psychologists have long studied the impact of social influence on personal development. The truth is, who you surround yourself with shapes your mindset, your behaviors, and even your sense of self-worth.
If someone consistently makes you feel worse rather than better, their presence may be doing more harm than good.
Pay attention to how you feel after spending time with certain people. Do you feel lighter, or do you feel weighed down?
Do they encourage your growth, or do they make you question yourself? These small reflections can reveal a lot about whether someone is truly adding value to your life.
Letting go of relationships that no longer serve you isn’t easy, but it’s necessary. Protecting your energy isn’t selfish—it’s essential.
When you create space for healthier connections, you allow yourself the freedom to become the best version of who you are meant to be.
