As we get older, most of us want to feel loved, valued, and connected to our children. But sometimes, without realizing it, we hold on to habits that push them away instead of bringing them closer.
The truth is, relationships—especially with our kids—are built on trust, respect, and emotional safety. And if we’re not careful, certain behaviors can create distance rather than deepening our bond.
If you want to strengthen your connection with your children as the years go by, it might be time to let go of a few things. Here are seven behaviors to say goodbye to if you want to feel more loved and appreciated by your kids.
1) Always needing to be right
Few things create distance in a relationship faster than the need to always be right.
As parents, we’ve spent years guiding and teaching our children. But as they grow into adults, constantly correcting them—or refusing to admit when we’re wrong—can make them feel unheard and disrespected.
No one enjoys feeling like their opinions don’t matter, not even our kids. When we let go of the need to win every argument or prove a point, we create space for real conversations and mutual respect.
Sometimes, being loved is more important than being right.
2) Dismissing their feelings
I’ll never forget the day my daughter told me, “I don’t always need advice—I just need you to listen.”
It hit me hard because I realized how often I had brushed off her feelings with a quick solution or a “you’ll be fine.” I thought I was helping, but in reality, I was making her feel unheard.
As parents, we’ve been through a lot, and it’s easy to think we know best. But when we dismiss our children’s emotions—whether it’s stress from work, relationship struggles, or even small daily frustrations—we send the message that their feelings don’t matter.
If we want to stay close to our kids as they grow older, we need to make them feel safe sharing with us. That starts with listening without judgment and validating how they feel, even when we don’t fully understand.
3) Criticizing more than appreciating
The human brain is wired to focus more on negative experiences than positive ones. It’s called negativity bias, and it means that criticism tends to stick with us much longer than praise.
As parents, it’s easy to slip into the habit of pointing out what our children could do better—how they manage their money, raise their kids, or handle their career. But if most of our interactions focus on what they’re doing wrong, they’ll start to associate us with negativity.
If you want your children to enjoy being around you, make sure they feel valued and appreciated. A simple “I’m proud of you” or “I love how you handled that” can strengthen your bond far more than constant corrections ever will.
4) Making everything about yourself
We all want to share our experiences, offer wisdom, and relate to our children’s struggles. But if every conversation somehow turns back to our own stories, achievements, or problems, it can make them feel unheard.
Have you ever opened up to someone, only for them to immediately shift the focus to themselves? It’s frustrating—and over time, it can make people withdraw.
Instead of always responding with “That happened to me too” or “Here’s what I did,” try asking more questions. Show genuine curiosity about their lives without rushing to compare or advise.
Sometimes, the best way to feel loved is to make others feel truly seen.
5) Holding onto past mistakes
There are few things more painful than feeling like no matter how much you’ve grown, someone still sees you as the person you used to be.
No one wants to be defined by their worst moments—especially not by their parents. Whether it was a bad decision they made years ago or a disagreement that never fully got resolved, bringing up past mistakes over and over only creates resentment.
If we want to have a strong relationship with our children as they grow older, we have to allow them to evolve. Letting go of old disappointments doesn’t mean forgetting—it means choosing the relationship over the past.
6) Expecting them to always be available
As much as we’d love for our children to drop everything whenever we call or visit, they have their own lives, responsibilities, and families to care for.
It’s easy to feel hurt when they don’t respond right away or can’t make time for a last-minute plan.
But if we guilt them about it—reminding them how much we’ve done for them or acting disappointed—it only adds pressure rather than strengthening the relationship.
The best way to keep them close is to respect their time and appreciate the moments you do share. When they know that being with you is free of guilt or obligation, they’ll want to be around more—not less.
7) Withholding love and affection
Love should never feel conditional.
If your children feel like they have to act a certain way, meet certain expectations, or agree with you to receive your warmth and kindness, they will eventually pull away.
No one wants to earn love—they want to feel it freely, without fear of rejection or judgment. A simple “I love you” or a genuine show of support, even when you disagree, can mean everything.
Bottom line: Connection is a choice
The strength of any relationship isn’t just built over the years—it’s shaped by daily choices.
Psychologists have long emphasized that feeling loved isn’t just about receiving affection, but also about creating an environment where love can thrive.
Small gestures, consistent respect, and emotional safety all play a role in keeping bonds strong.
As we age, the connection we share with our children isn’t guaranteed—it’s nurtured. And often, it’s the things we let go of, just as much as the things we hold onto, that determine how close we remain.
