Persuasion isn’t just about convincing someone to see things your way. It’s also about connecting with people on a deeper level and making them feel genuinely heard.
I learned this lesson the hard way in my early days of marketing, when I realized that rattling off data points rarely won hearts or changed minds.
Over time, I began to see that real persuasion is more like an art—subtle brushstrokes of empathy, self-awareness, and storytelling that paint a vivid picture others want to be part of.
If you’ve ever felt stuck when trying to motivate a friend, guide a team, or even negotiate with a reluctant family member, trust me, you’re not alone. I’ve been there, struggling with the right words and the right timing.
In my experience, there’s nothing flashy about effective persuasion. It’s the quiet techniques, the ones we often overlook, that can transform the way people respond to us.
Let’s dig into six of these underrated tricks.
1. Focus on their perspective first
Early in my career, I approached people like we were on opposite teams.
I had my goal, they had theirs, and I believed it was me versus them.
That mindset led me down a path of unnecessary debates and frustrated communication.
It took me a while to realize that the best way to persuade someone is to step into their shoes and try to see the world from their vantage point.
Shifting from “I need them to understand me” to “How can I understand them first?” fosters an immediate sense of empathy.
When someone senses you’re interested in their concerns and motivations, they soften and open up.
It’s a simple but powerful dynamic: people become more receptive when you show them they matter.
Try it out: in your next conversation, make a conscious effort to ask about the other person’s needs, goals, or fears before you share your own. That small flip in perspective can work wonders.
2. Know your triggers and blind spots
Self-awareness isn’t talked about enough when it comes to persuasion.
But think about it—how can you hope to influence someone else if you don’t understand your own reactions?
I’ve noticed that when I get defensive or impatient, my words lose their impact.
Instead of being persuasive, I come across as pushy or irritated, and that usually shuts down any further dialogue.
To improve your self-awareness, I suggest trying a little exercise: jot down common scenarios where you tend to lose patience or get agitated.
Is it when someone questions your expertise? Or maybe when people interrupt you mid-sentence?
Once you can name these triggers, you’ll have a better handle on them.
The next time it happens, pause and recognize that a part of you feels threatened. Then, guide yourself back to calm.
This isn’t about being emotionless—it’s about channeling your feelings in a way that supports connection rather than sabotage.
As Brené Brown often reminds us in her work, naming your emotions is the first step in managing them.
3. Tell stories instead of spewing facts
Facts and data have their place, but people rarely connect with cold information.
I used to bombard clients with statistics, thinking the numbers would do the convincing for me.
News flash: they didn’t.
It was only after I started sharing real-life examples and personal anecdotes that I noticed a tangible shift in how people responded.
A well-placed story weaves emotion, humanity, and context into your message. Persuasion, after all, hinges on emotional connection.
Simon Sinek famously emphasizes the power of “why,” which often emerges most clearly in a story.
For instance, if you’re trying to encourage a colleague to adopt a new strategy, compare it to a situation where you faced a similar challenge and overcame it.
The story becomes a bridge, turning abstract ideas into something relatable.
Tonight, if you’re journaling or reflecting, try summarizing a personal experience that ties into a point you want to make.
You’ll see how it adds warmth and depth to your persuasion toolkit.
4. Pay close attention to nonverbal cues
I once gave a presentation to a group of entrepreneurs, and halfway through, I realized most were fidgeting and avoiding eye contact.
Even though they didn’t say a word, their body language spoke volumes—they weren’t connecting with what I was saying.
By tuning into their nonverbal cues, I realized I needed to switch up my approach, tell a short anecdote, and engage them differently.
Eye contact, posture, and facial expressions are powerful indicators of how someone really feels. Are they leaning in with curiosity, or are they crossing their arms in a defensive stance?
Paying attention to these cues allows you to pivot your message on the spot. You can ask clarifying questions or shift your energy if you sense resistance.
For your next conversation, try making mindful eye contact and maintaining relaxed, open body language. You’ll be surprised how effectively this fosters trust and invites more genuine interaction.
5. Ask open-ended questions
One thing I picked up from my years in marketing is that the right question can unlock deeper insights than a dozen bullet points.
Yes/no questions can be helpful at times, but they often cut the conversation short.
Open-ended questions encourage people to share their viewpoints, emotions, and stories in a way that genuinely enriches the discussion.
When you ask, “How did you come to that conclusion?” instead of “Do you agree with my approach?” you’re giving the person space to elaborate.
This technique doesn’t just help you understand them better; it also helps them feel valued.
It’s a win-win: you gather more information to tailor your persuasion strategy, and they feel heard rather than cornered.
And here’s something else to add to that – research shows that curious people have better relationships.
Researcher Todd Kashdan explains, “When you show curiosity and you ask questions, and find out something interesting about another person, people disclose more, share more, and they return the favor, asking questions of you. It sets up a spiral of give and take, which fosters intimacy.”
The next time you want to influence someone, start by letting them do most of the talking. You’ll uncover valuable insights you wouldn’t otherwise get.
6. Stay humble
I’ve saved this one for last because it’s often overlooked but has a massive impact.
When I first started consulting, I thought expertise alone would win people over.
Then I realized that nothing kills persuasion faster than a know-it-all vibe.
Humility shows others that you’re open to their ideas—and that you respect their knowledge as well.
That doesn’t mean downplaying your expertise. It means approaching conversations with the mindset: “We both have something valuable to bring to the table.”
From there, you can ask questions, offer insights, and gently guide them to see the benefits of your perspective. This approach invites collaboration instead of confrontation.
A practical way to practice this is by reminding yourself every morning: “I can learn something new from everyone I meet today.”
When you treat others like partners in your learning journey, they’re far more likely to follow your lead.
Conclusion
You don’t have to be the loudest voice in the room or brandish fancy statistics to make an impact.
Persuasion blossoms when you genuinely care about who you’re talking to and take the time to align your message with their experiences.
Try incorporating these seven underrated tricks into your day-to-day interactions, whether that’s in a boardroom or at the dinner table.
True influence thrives on authenticity, and that’s exactly where these techniques shine.
With consistent practice, you’ll find that people naturally lean in when you speak.
And the best part? You’ll be building stronger, more meaningful relationships, one conversation at a time.
