There’s a clear distinction between someone who genuinely cares for you and a narcissist.
The difference lies in respect. A narcissist seeks to exploit you for their own gain, often disregarding your feelings and well-being.
But what happens when you finally see through their facade? When they realize they can no longer use you to fulfill their needs?
Narcissists have a unique way of reacting when they lose control, and understanding these signs can be incredibly empowering. Let’s dive into the nine things a narcissist does when they know they’ve lost their grip on you.
Let’s get started.
1) They ramp up their charm offensive
Narcissists are renowned for their charisma and charm. It’s how they draw you in and keep you hooked.
When a narcissist realizes they can no longer use you, they don’t simply walk away. Their ego is at stake and they won’t go down without a fight.
So, they turn up the charm. They will shower you with compliments, appear more attentive, and may even try to reignite old shared memories. It’s all a desperate bid to regain control.
But don’t be fooled. This is not a sign of genuine affection or regret. It’s simply their way of trying to reel you back in.
A narcissist uses charm as a tool, not as an expression of genuine care or love. Be wary when the charm offensive intensifies. It’s one of the first signs that they’ve realized they’re losing their grip on you.
2) They play the victim card
Narcissists are experts at playing the victim. When they feel their control slipping away, they often resort to this tactic to regain sympathy and attention.
I remember with my own experience with a narcissistic friend. When I finally stood up to her constant demands and manipulations, she immediately switched gears. She played the victim, bringing up every hardship she’d ever faced and trying to make me feel guilty for ‘abandoning’ her in her time of need.
It was a ploy, a calculated move designed to make me question my decision and pull me back into her web of manipulation.
When a narcissist plays the victim, it’s important to remember that it’s not about their pain, but about maintaining control over you. Hold your ground and don’t let their guilt-trips sway you.
3) They resort to gaslighting
Gaslighting is a common tactic used by narcissists to control and manipulate. It involves making you doubt your own memories, perceptions, and even sanity.
Psychologists have found that this form of psychological manipulation can have devastating effects on your mental health. It can lead to anxiety, depression, and even post-traumatic stress disorder.
When a narcissist sees they’re losing control over you, they may intensify their gaslighting tactics to make you question your decision. They might insist that you’re overreacting or misremembering events.
The key here is to trust your own judgment and not let the narcissist’s distortions shake your resolve. Always remember, the problem lies with them, not with you.
4) They give you the silent treatment
The silent treatment is another tool in the narcissist’s arsenal. It’s a form of emotional manipulation designed to make you feel rejected, isolated, and desperate for their attention.
When a narcissist can no longer use you, they may resort to giving you the cold shoulder. This is their way of punishing you for not conforming to their desires and a tactic to make you feel guilty and seek their approval again.
The silent treatment can be incredibly hurtful. However, it’s crucial to remember that this is not a reflection of your worth, but rather a sign of their inability to handle your newfound strength. Stand firm, and don’t let their silence break you.
5) They try to make you jealous
Narcissists are notorious for using jealousy as a manipulation tool. They love to create a sense of competition, hoping it will make you want to fight for their attention.
When they realize they can no longer use you, they may try to provoke your jealousy. They might start flaunting their new relationships or successes in front of you, hoping it will make you feel insecure or inadequate.
This is just another ploy to regain control and feed their ego. Don’t let their games affect your self-esteem. You are more than enough, regardless of what they want you to believe.
6) They become overly critical
Narcissists are known for their inability to handle criticism. However, they’re quick to dish it out, especially when they feel threatened.
When they can no longer use you, they might resort to constant criticism and belittlement. They’ll try to make you feel small, inadequate, and unworthy.
It’s important to remember during these times that their words are not a reflection of your worth. It’s their fear and insecurity speaking.
Hold on to your self-worth. You are strong, you are brave, and you are breaking free from their toxic grip. You’re doing something incredibly courageous, and nothing they say can take that away from you.
7) They threaten to harm themselves
This is a desperate and dangerous tactic used by some narcissists. The thought of losing control can drive them to extreme measures, including threatening self-harm or even suicide.
In my own journey, I encountered this unsettling behavior. A previous partner, when realizing he could no longer manipulate me, threatened to harm himself. It was a terrifying experience, designed to make me feel responsible for his well-being and pull me back into the cycle of manipulation.
If a narcissist threatens self-harm, it’s crucial to remember that you are not responsible for their actions. Reach out to a mental health professional or local authorities if you believe they’re in immediate danger. But don’t let their threats dictate your actions or decisions.
8) They spread rumors about you
When a narcissist can no longer control you, they’ll often try to control how others see you. Spreading rumors and painting you in a negative light is a common tactic.
They might tell others that you’re unstable, unreliable, or even crazy. The aim is to isolate you from your support system and make you feel like you need them.
These are just desperate attempts to regain control. Don’t let their words define you. Stay connected with your support network and those who truly know and value you.
9) They try to make you feel guilty
Guilt is a powerful tool in the hands of a narcissist. They know just how to use it to manipulate your emotions and decisions.
When they can no longer use you, they might attempt to make you feel guilty. They’ll blame you for their misfortunes, make you feel responsible for their happiness, or accuse you of abandoning them.
But their emotional well-being is not your responsibility. You are not obligated to sacrifice your peace and happiness for theirs. Stand firm in your decision and remember that you deserve respect and kindness.
Final thoughts: Remember your strength
It’s critical to remember that their behavior, though damaging, is not a reflection of your worth but rather their insecurities and need for control.
A quote from Eleanor Roosevelt rings true in this context, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” This encapsulates the essence of dealing with a narcissist. It is indeed in your power to refuse their attempts at manipulation and control.
Don’t forget your strength. Recognize the courage it’s taken for you to stand up to their manipulation and assert your independence. Navigating this path wasn’t easy, but it was an important step towards reclaiming your freedom and self-worth.
You deserve respect, kindness, and genuine love. Don’t let anyone, especially a narcissist, make you believe otherwise.
