I’ve spent years studying psychology, self-improvement, and mindfulness—driven, in part, by my background as a competitive athlete. I’ve learned that what truly shapes us are often the small, consistent habits we embrace (or avoid).
Below, I’d like to share eight habits that can hold a woman back and diminish her overall quality of life. While I focus on women here, it’s important to note that these traits can apply to anyone, regardless of gender. If you spot any of these habits in yourself, don’t worry. Recognizing them is the first step toward growth and change.
1. Constant Need for Validation
Continuously seeking approval from friends, family, partners, or even strangers on social media—needing likes, comments, and external praise to feel worthy.
This habit creates an unstable sense of self. As the saying goes, “When we constantly rely on others to tell us who we are…we lose touch with our real selves.”
It’s tough to become your best self if you’re so focused on others’ opinions that you never tune in to your own inner voice.
Back in my athletic days, I found myself looking to coaches, teammates, and fans for affirmation. It wasn’t until I learned to self-validate—acknowledge my strengths and work on my weaknesses honestly—that I started to enjoy the sport more and perform better.
2. Habitual Gossip and Negative Chat
Using conversations as a playground for cutting remarks about others, always looking for dirt or starting rumors just to pass the time.
Gossip can create a toxic atmosphere and erode trust in relationships—plus, it prevents genuine connection. Social psychologist Roy F. Baumeister’s work on negativity bias reminds us that negative interactions are more powerful than positive ones. If negativity is the main ingredient in your social interactions, it eventually becomes the main course of your life.
Next time you feel the urge to gossip, try shifting the conversation toward something uplifting. It can be surprising how a single positive comment can change the energy in a room.
3. Deflecting Responsibility
Blaming external circumstances, other people, or plain “bad luck” for mistakes and poor outcomes, instead of owning up to personal choices.
A refusal to take responsibility stunts growth. According to cognitive-behavioral therapy principles, recognizing that our thoughts and actions have real consequences is a pivotal step toward change. Without accepting your role in a situation, you give up the power to improve it.
When I lost an important race in my track career, I initially blamed the weather and my competition. Only when I admitted I hadn’t trained as smartly as I should have did I unlock the determination to fix my routine and do better next time.
4. Inability to Support Other Women
Feeling threatened by others’ success, constantly competing, or minimizing another woman’s achievements instead of celebrating them.
Emotional maturity often shows up in our capacity to uplift one another rather than tear each other down. Social learning theory (Albert Bandura) suggests that we model behavior from those around us—so if we encourage a culture of collaboration, everyone benefits. But when someone consistently chooses sabotage or envy, it forms a toxic cycle that limits personal and communal growth.
A simple “Congrats, that’s awesome!” can turn competition into camaraderie.
5. Chronic Complaining without Action
Voicing constant dissatisfaction—job, relationships, or even the weather—without ever taking steps to change or improve the situation.
Complaining can feel good in the moment (it’s a mini emotional release), but it keeps you stuck if that’s all you do.
Martin Seligman, known for his work on positive psychology, emphasizes “learned helplessness” as a state where one believes they have no power to change their situation. Complaining over and over without effort is almost an invitation for life to stay exactly as it is.
If something bothers you, draft a mini-plan—one small action you could take to address the problem. Even a tiny step can break the cycle of endless complaining.
6. Manipulative Behavior in Relationships
Using guilt trips, silent treatment, or emotional blackmail to influence friends or partners.
Manipulation undermines authentic connection. Psychologist John Gottman’s research on relationship stability highlights that healthy bonds require openness and respect. Manipulative tactics erode trust and sow long-term resentment. Moreover, it often indicates a lack of self-confidence and a fear that honest communication won’t get needs met.
I’ve seen talented teammates sabotage each other’s morale with mind games before a big event. The result? The team as a whole performed poorly, teaching me a valuable lesson about how destructive manipulation can be to everyone involved.
7. Zero Ambition or Drive
Refusing to set goals or push personal limits, settling for a “bare minimum” life—even when you have the resources to aim higher.
We all have different dreams, and that’s okay. But a total lack of ambition can indicate low self-esteem or even a fear of failure. Abraham Maslow’s idea of self-actualization suggests that humans naturally strive to realize their potential. When someone shows no will to grow, it often hints at deeper issues, like fear or unresolved trauma, that hold them back.
Sometimes people appear unmotivated when they’re just overwhelmed or depressed. Seek help if that’s the case—there’s no shame in therapy or counseling to regain your spark.
8. Consistent Disrespect of Boundaries
Ignoring someone’s “no,” pushing topics people aren’t comfortable discussing, or showing up uninvited and expecting full attention.
Boundaries are the bedrock of healthy relationships. They protect individuality and foster respect. As clinical psychologist Henry Cloud (co-author of Boundaries) points out, when we violate others’ boundaries, we not only harm them but also erode our own sense of empathy and decency.
Practice active listening. When someone expresses a boundary, see it as an opportunity to deepen trust rather than a limitation.
Conclusion
These eight habits can limit a woman’s ability to cultivate meaningful relationships, achieve her goals, and foster personal well-being. Speaking from my own experiences as a competitive athlete turned wellness advocate, it’s often the daily choices and small habits that determine the quality of our lives.
If you recognize any of these traits in yourself, remember: awareness is the first step to transformation. The beauty of human psychology is that it’s flexible—new habits can be learned, and old habits can be reshaped. With consistent effort, you can move beyond these limiting behaviors and step into a higher-quality version of yourself—someone who is resilient, self-aware, and eager to grow.
We’re all a work in progress, so let’s keep at it—together.
