Striking the right balance between openness and privacy can be challenging, but it’s crucial for keeping your personal and professional relationships healthy.
As the founder of Hack Spirit and a mindfulness enthusiast, I’ve spent a lot of time exploring what psychology has to say about boundaries.
One big takeaway? There are some things you should keep private.
So, to help you protect your boundaries and build stronger connections, here’s a list of 8 things best kept to yourself.
Let’s dive in.
1. Your past mistakes
We all have history. We’ve all made mistakes. But, according to psychology, it’s not always wise to share these with everyone we meet.
Look, I get it. When you’re trying to build a relationship, be it personal or professional, transparency seems like the right approach. But here’s the kicker: not everyone needs to know about your past blunders.
There’s a psychological principle known as the “Halo Effect”. This is where one negative aspect of a person can overshadow all their positive traits in the eyes of others.
So, if you share your past mistakes too readily, you might find others judging you solely based on those errors, rather than seeing the full picture of who you are now.
It’s about maintaining a balanced image and understanding that everyone has their own struggles and triumphs.
2. Personal vulnerabilities too soon
Opening up about your vulnerabilities can create deep connections, but timing is everything.
It’s natural to want to share your innermost fears and insecurities with those you trust. However, doing so at the onset of a relationship can backfire.
Psychological research suggests that revealing too much too soon can make you seem needy or desperate for validation, which can push people away.
I’ve learned this the hard way. Once, I shared my fear of failure with a new business partner early on in our relationship. Instead of creating a bond, it made him doubt my ability to handle the pressures of our venture. I realized then the importance of pacing myself when it comes to sharing personal vulnerabilities.
3. Your deepest insecurities
We all have insecurities—those quiet doubts that pop up in unguarded moments. Acknowledging them is a powerful step toward self-growth, but sharing them with everyone isn’t always helpful.
Revealing these personal worries openly can sometimes backfire, as others may misunderstand or even exploit them.
Instead, focusing on accepting these insecurities privately can lead to a stronger sense of self. Working through them on our own allows us to build resilience and self-assurance, helping us grow in a way that doesn’t rely on outside opinions.
4. Your financial status
Money talks, but it doesn’t always need to be part of the conversation. Revealing your financial status can lead to unnecessary judgments and comparisons.
When people know about your financial situation, they often tend to form perceptions about your character and lifestyle. Money is more than just a means to an end; in many societies, it’s seen as a symbol of success and societal standing.
Disclosing whether you’re swimming in wealth or struggling to make ends meet can lead others to make assumptions about your values, work ethic, and even intelligence. This can influence how they interact with you, often not for the better.
Instead, try focusing on common interests and shared experiences when building relationships. This encourages genuine connections based on mutual respect and understanding, rather than financial standing.
5. Your good deeds
This may sound counterintuitive, but bear with me. While doing good deeds is commendable, constantly talking about them can sometimes dilute their impact.
Psychology suggests that when we openly share our good deeds, it can often come across as boasting or seeking validation. This can lead people to question the sincerity of our actions.
Of course, sharing stories of philanthropy can inspire others. But there’s a fine line between encouraging altruism and appearing self-congratulatory.
A good rule of thumb is to let your actions speak for themselves. If you’re consistently kind and helpful, people will notice without you needing to point it out.
6. Negative opinions about others
We all have our likes and dislikes, but sharing negative opinions about others, especially in a gossipy or malicious way, can damage your own reputation.
People often associate the traits you use to describe others with your personality. This is known as spontaneous trait transference. So if you’re constantly criticising or speaking ill of others, people may start to associate those negative traits with you.
Moreover, spreading negativity can also breed mistrust. People may start to wonder what you say about them when they’re not around.
Instead, try focusing on the positive aspects of people, or constructively addressing issues directly with the person involved. This promotes a positive environment and fosters trust and respect.
7. Detailed plans for the future
It’s exciting to think about and plan for the future. You may have some big dreams or goals, like starting your own business or traveling the world. But while it’s tempting to share those plans with everyone, it might not always be the best idea.
When we share our goals with others, we often feel a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment as if we’ve already achieved them. This can actually decrease our motivation to work towards these goals.
Moreover, once you’ve shared your plans, you may also feel pressure to live up to them. This can lead to stress and disappointment if things don’t go as expected.
It’s more beneficial to keep your plans somewhat vague until they’re set in motion. Once you’re on your way to achieving your goals, you’ll find that the genuine excitement and joy of sharing your progress far outweighs the early satisfaction of simply announcing your plans.
8. Your personal grudges
We’ve all been wronged at some point in our lives. It’s natural to feel upset and hold grudges against those who’ve hurt us. However, constantly sharing these grudges can often do more harm than good.
Dwelling on past wrongs and frequently bringing them up can perpetuate negativity and prevent you from moving forward. It can also alter the way others perceive you, casting you in a light of bitterness and resentment.
Psychologically speaking, holding onto grudges is associated with increased stress and poor mental health. Letting go of these grudges and focusing on the present is key to fostering healthier relationships and a positive outlook on life.
