There’s a fine line between influencing someone and manipulating them.
Manipulation, unlike influence, is about controlling others by hiding your true motives. It’s about making them do what you want, not what they choose.
Manipulative individuals have a knack for using certain phrases to gain control over others. These phrases are subtle, often sounding innocent but carrying a hidden agenda.
In this article, we’ll delve into 10 phrases only manipulative individuals use to gain control over others. By knowing these phrases, you’ll be better equipped to spot manipulation when it happens.
1) Trust me…
If there’s a phrase that’s a red flag in the world of manipulation, it’s “Trust me…”
Manipulative individuals often use this phrase to quickly gain your confidence and lower your defenses. It’s a clever tactic, as it suggests that the person has your best interests at heart and wouldn’t deceive you.
However, trust is something that needs to be earned over time, not granted immediately at the request of someone else.
“Trust me…” is a shortcut manipulators use to bypass the process of earning trust. It creates an illusion of good faith and sincerity, when in fact, it might just be a cover for hidden motives.
True trust is built on actions, not words. So next time you hear someone saying “Trust me…”, be alert and question their intentions. Be aware of this phrase as it might be a manipulative individual trying to gain control over you.
2) You’re too sensitive…
This is a phrase I’ve personally encountered, and it’s a classic manipulation tactic.
A few years back, I had a friend who would often dismiss my feelings or opinions, labeling me as “too sensitive”. At first, I thought maybe I was overreacting. But over time, I realized this was their way of avoiding accountability for their actions.
When someone tells you that you’re “too sensitive”, it’s often a gaslighting technique. They’re trying to make you question your own feelings and perceptions. It’s an attempt to shift the blame onto you, rather than addressing their own inappropriate behavior.
This phrase can make you feel small and insignificant, questioning your own judgment. But remember, your feelings and reactions are valid. Don’t let anyone manipulate you into believing otherwise.
3) I hate to be the one to tell you…
This phrase is often used as a weapon in the arsenal of the manipulator. It’s a sly way of delivering negative news or criticism, all while pretending to be a reluctant messenger.
“I hate to be the one to tell you…” is a way of deflecting responsibility for the negativity they are about to share. They position themselves as simply the bearer of bad news, instead of the source.
What’s intriguing is that this phrase can also create a sense of indebtedness. You might feel grateful to them for being honest, even if the news they deliver is hurtful or damaging.
However, genuine honesty shouldn’t need such cushioning. If someone frequently prefaces their comments with this phrase, it could be a sign they are trying to manipulate your perception of them.
4) I’m not trying to hurt you…
The phrase “I’m not trying to hurt you…” is a classic manipulation tactic often used to soften the blow of a hurtful comment or action.
Manipulators use it as a pre-emptive strike, to cushion the impact before delivering a potentially harmful blow. It’s their way of saying something hurtful, while trying to dodge any blame or responsibility for the emotional fallout.
The problem with this phrase is that it doesn’t change the fact that the words or actions following it can still cause harm. It’s a way for manipulators to feel justified in their actions, while dismissing the feelings of those they are hurting.
If you hear this phrase, be cautious. It may be a sign that manipulation is at play.
5) I’m only doing this for your own good…
This is another phrase manipulators commonly use to justify their actions and control others.
“I’m only doing this for your own good…” is a way of enforcing their will while making it look like they’re doing you a favor. It’s a tricky manipulation tactic because it can make you question your own judgment and decisions.
Manipulators use this phrase to make you feel like they know better, that they have the right to interfere with your life or choices. It’s a way of asserting dominance and control under the guise of care and concern.
You are the best judge of what is good for you. If someone consistently uses this phrase to justify their actions, beware. They might be trying to manipulate you under the cover of false concern.
6) If you really cared about me…
This phrase hits hard because it’s usually used by someone close to you. Manipulators use “If you really cared about me…” to guilt you into doing what they want.
It’s manipulative because it questions your love and loyalty. You end up feeling obliged to prove your affection by complying with their demands.
This phrase is a form of emotional blackmail. It forces you into a corner where any refusal could be seen as a lack of care or love.
Your love for someone should not be used as a tool for manipulation. Real love respects boundaries and does not demand proof through compliance. If someone uses this phrase against you, it’s a red flag that they might be trying to manipulate your feelings for their own gain.
7) You’re just misunderstanding me…
This phrase was once used against me during a heated argument. “You’re just misunderstanding me…” was thrown at me when I confronted someone about their hurtful words.
The problem with this phrase is that it shifts the blame from the speaker to the listener. Instead of taking responsibility for their words or actions, they make it seem like you’re the one at fault for not understanding them correctly.
This is a crafty way to dodge accountability and make you second guess your perceptions. It’s a manipulative tactic designed to make you doubt yourself, and in turn, dismiss your own feelings and concerns.
Always remember, if someone’s actions or words hurt you, that’s valid. Don’t let anyone manipulate you into believing it’s your fault for ‘misunderstanding’ them.
8) I’m just being honest…
At first glance, honesty seems like a commendable trait. But when “I’m just being honest…” is used as a precursor to a hurtful comment, it becomes a manipulative tool.
Manipulators use this phrase to mask their criticism or negative comments under the guise of honesty. It gives them a free pass to say something hurtful or offensive, and if you react negatively, they can simply claim they were ‘just being honest’.
However, true honesty should never be used as an excuse to be unnecessarily harsh or critical. If someone frequently uses this phrase before delivering hurtful comments, it may be a sign of manipulation at play. It’s important to remember that honesty and kindness are not mutually exclusive.
9) I’m doing this because I love you…
This phrase can be a wolf in sheep’s clothing. “I’m doing this because I love you…” is often used by manipulators to justify their controlling or hurtful behavior.
It’s a form of emotional manipulation, where the person uses your feelings for them as a shield against any criticism or pushback. They’re essentially saying, “I can do this because I love you and you love me.”
However, love should never be used as a justification for harmful actions or behavior. Love is about respect and understanding, not control and manipulation. If someone frequently uses this phrase as an excuse for their actions, it could be a warning sign of manipulation. Always remember, love should empower you, not diminish you.
10) But, I’m your family/friend…
This phrase is one of the most powerful tools in a manipulator’s toolkit. “But, I’m your family/friend…” is used to exploit the trust and bond that exists in these relationships.
Manipulators use this phrase to escape accountability for their actions by hiding behind the relationship’s sanctity. They bank on the fact that it’s harder to confront or cut ties with someone you’re close to, giving them a free pass for their manipulative behavior.
Always remember, being family or a friend doesn’t give anyone the right to manipulate you. You deserve respect and understanding, no matter the relationship. Don’t let the label of ‘family’ or ‘friend’ blind you to manipulation. Stand up for yourself and remember your worth.
