Have you ever found yourself stuck in a conversation where you end up feeling like the villain, despite being the one wronged?
Narcissists are masters at twisting situations to make themselves appear innocent, even when they’re the ones causing harm.
One of their most common tactics is shifting blame—turning any situation around so they can avoid taking responsibility for their actions.
It’s subtle, manipulative, and often leaves you questioning your own reality.
In this article, we’ll dive into 8 phrases that narcissists frequently use to deflect blame and avoid owning up to their behavior.
Understanding these tactics can help you recognize them in real-time, protect your emotional well-being, and take back control of the situation.
1) “It’s your fault I reacted that way”
This is a classic example of a phrase a narcissist will employ to sidestep responsibility.
It’s a way of shifting the blame onto you, making you accountable for their reactions.
For instance, if a narcissist becomes angry or upset in response to something you’ve said or done, they might turn it around and state, “It’s your fault I reacted that way. You shouldn’t have provoked me.”
In this scenario, the narcissist is making it seem as if their emotional outburst is justified and your fault, rather than acknowledging their own lack of emotional regulation.
This makes you feel guilty, as if you are the one who has done something wrong.
Often, this can lead to you second-guessing your actions and words, walking on eggshells around them to avoid any potential outbursts.
This is exactly what the narcissist wants, as it allows them to continue avoiding accountability for their actions while maintaining control over the relationship.
2) “I wouldn’t have done it if you hadn’t…”
Another favorite phrase of a narcissist is “I wouldn’t have done it if you hadn’t…”.
This phrase is a clever tactic used to divert attention from their own actions and place the spotlight, and blame, on you.
For example, if a narcissist makes a poor decision or behaves badly, they might say something like, “I wouldn’t have yelled if you hadn’t nagged me all day,” or “I wouldn’t have spent so much money if you hadn’t been so demanding.”
What’s cunning about this phrase is that it’s not only shifting blame but also portraying the narcissist as a victim of your actions.
They’re subtly suggesting that they were pushed into doing something they didn’t want to do because of you.
This can be quite confusing because it’s natural to reflect on our own actions and wonder if we did, indeed, provoke the incident.
But remember, everyone is responsible for their own decisions and reactions.
By using this phrase, the narcissist is avoiding this responsibility and manipulating you into feeling guilty instead.
3) “You’re too sensitive”
“You’re too sensitive” is another phrase commonly used by narcissists to shift blame and escape accountability.
This phrase can be particularly damaging because it invalidates your feelings and experiences.
When a narcissist uses this phrase, they are essentially saying that your reaction, not their action, is the problem.
For instance, if you express hurt or disappointment over something they’ve done, they might respond with “You’re too sensitive,” implying that a “normal” person wouldn’t have been bothered by their actions.
Interestingly, research suggests that people who frequently hear gaslighting phrases like they’re “too sensitive” may start to believe it, leading to self-doubt and lower self-esteem.
This also conveniently takes the focus off the narcissist’s behavior and places it onto you, allowing them to avoid taking responsibility for their actions.
4) “I never said that”
“I never said that” is a phrase often used by narcissists to shift blame and avoid accountability.
This can be incredibly frustrating and hurtful, as it directly challenges your memory and perception of events.
Imagine you recall a conversation where they promised to do something, but they not only fail to follow through but deny ever making the promise.
It’s as if they’re erasing your reality, leaving you feeling bewildered and unsure of your own memory.
It’s important to remember in these moments that you’re not alone, and it’s not your fault.
Your feelings are valid, and your memories are trustworthy.
This is just another tactic used by the narcissist to dodge responsibility, turning it into an issue of your memory rather than their broken promise.
5) “You’re overreacting”
“You’re overreacting” is another phrase a narcissist will often use to shift blame and avoid accountability.
This statement is a classic example of gaslighting, where they manipulate you into doubting your feelings and reactions.
Say you express disappointment over their lack of consideration or empathy, only for them to respond with “You’re overreacting”.
Suddenly, instead of addressing their behavior, the focus shifts to your response.
You start questioning yourself, wondering if you’re indeed making a mountain out of a molehill.
Many of us have been in situations where we’ve been told we’re overreacting.
It can make us feel small and question our own judgement.
But it’s crucial to remember that your feelings are valid and you have every right to express them without being dismissed or belittled.
6) “That never happened”
“That never happened” is another phrase narcissists use to evade responsibility and shift blame.
This outright denial of events can be incredibly disorienting, making you question your memory and judgement.
For example, suppose you brought up an incident where they let you down or hurt your feelings.
Instead of acknowledging their actions, they simply say, “That never happened.”
You know it did, but their confident denial makes you question your own recollection.
I remember a friend telling me about a time when her partner forgot their anniversary.
When she confronted him, he flatly denied it and insisted they had celebrated it together.
She was left feeling confused and doubting her own memory, which was exactly his intention.
By denying the event, he was able to avoid taking responsibility for his forgetfulness and shift the blame onto her.
7) “If you hadn’t…I wouldn’t have…”
The phrase “If you hadn’t…I wouldn’t have…” is a textbook example of a narcissist’s blame-shifting strategy.
It’s a deflection tactic designed to pin their actions on your doing.
Say, for instance, they’ve reacted harshly to something you’ve said.
Instead of owning up to their response, they’d say, “If you hadn’t criticized me, I wouldn’t have lost my temper.”
Suddenly, the blame is on you for their outburst.
It’s high time we recognize this for what it truly is – a manipulation tactic.
We all must understand that we’re responsible for our own reactions, regardless of the situation or provocation.
8) “You made me do it”
Finally, “You made me do it” is one of the most potent phrases a narcissist will use to shift blame and avoid accountability.
This statement is incredibly damaging as it directly places the responsibility for their actions onto you.
For example, if they make a poor decision, they might say, “You made me do it,” suggesting that you forced or manipulated them into making that choice.
The most important thing to remember here is that we are all responsible for our own actions.
No one can make anyone else do anything.
It’s a crucial reminder that the blame lies with the person who chose to act, not the person they’re attempting to pin it on.
Hold fast to this truth and don’t allow yourself to be manipulated into accepting blame that isn’t yours.
Conclusion
Recognizing the phrases and tactics narcissists use to deflect blame is an essential step in protecting yourself from their manipulation.
It’s not about playing the blame game—it’s about safeguarding your own mental and emotional health.
When you understand these strategies, you can stay grounded in your own truth and avoid getting sucked into their cycle of denial.
Don’t let their words distort your reality—trust yourself, and keep moving forward.
